After The Pain
by leoslady4ever
Summary: "You're different, Luce…" His words had just been an observation, but it served as a reminder of how broken she'd become, of how much she'd lost. Not just of her family but of herself. The truth was she was different. How could she not be? A person could only lose so much before change became inevitable. And she'd reached that point right about the time Natsu had walked away.


_This is something I'd worked on quite a while ago, and without really meaning to, I forgot to come back to it and edit. This one is a bit different in that it's short and also addresses something that's always bothered me in Fairy Tail. The year that Lucy spends alone after Tartarus. Or more specifically her reactions to Natsu and everyone else after it's all over. After what she went through with her mother and father, I struggled to believe she wouldn't have been more hurt by being essentially left behind. I know some people won't agree with me on this point, and that's okay. We can still be friends in spite of all that. :D Just consider this my own personal purging of the disappointment I felt about this particular story line._

 _Anyway, Fairy Tail obviously still belongs to Hiro Mashima, and while he and I don't always agree, I hope you'll still give this one-shot a chance._

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 **After The Pain**

"You're different, Luce…"

His words had just been an observation, but it served as a reminder of how broken she'd become, of how much she'd lost. And not just of her family but of herself.

The truth was she was different. How could she not be? A person could only lose so much before change became inevitable. And she'd reached that point right about the time Natsu had walked away.

She knew why he'd left, and she even understood his need to be alone. Hell, after losing Aquarius and then her best friend, she'd needed some time to herself. It had been days before she'd been able to set foot in the guild. But she'd stayed. She hadn't abandoned the other people in her life who had lost people as well.

Even in her heartbroken state, she'd recognized that there was pain other than her own. Her loss was only one of many, and she'd known her friends needed her. And in truth, she'd needed them too.

Sadly, that hadn't lasted long. In only a handful of days following the defeat of Tartarus, the guild has disbanded, and everyone she'd loved had scattered. She'd been left by everyone that had ever mattered to her.

So, of course she was different. She'd had to be. Without that change, she wouldn't have made it through. The endless lonely nights and the neverending quiet of her days had nearly done her in until she'd been offered a chance to start over. She'd never found the words to express her gratitude to Jason. He'd saved her back then.

She'd been so lost. So empty, and Jason's job request had given her something else to focus on. And it had changed everything.

In the end, it had all been for the best. It was something she reminded herself of at least once a week. Because no matter how much time passed, she couldn't forget the family who'd left her behind at Fairy Tail. She'd taken to tracking them across the country. Much as she'd like to pretend they didn't matter to her, they did, and because of that, the wounds they'd left in their wake had never quite healed.

But that didn't change anything. She'd distanced herself. It was now up to her to protect herself, and the people who'd done so in the past were the ones she needed to protect herself from. And so she'd taken a step back.

Natsu didn't get that. In his mind, everything was as it had always been. Fairy Tail existed. Their friends were simply waiting to be collected. He couldn't understand her insistence that things were different now.

"What do you mean you're not coming? We've got to bring Fairy Tail back."

"No, we don't, Natsu. Fairy Tail doesn't exist anymore."

"Of course it does, Luce! Everyone's still out there. If we bring the guild back, they'll come back!" he insisted.

"Maybe so, Natsu, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not coming," Lucy said wearily. She'd forgotten how exhausting it could be trying to convince him differently when he'd decided something.

Natsu frowned. "But why?"

"Because things are different now. I have a life here, one I'm happy with."

Expression pained, Natsu stepped closer. "But you have to come. We're best friends."

"Were, Natsu," she corrected with a sigh. "We were best friends. That was a long time ago."

"What are you talking about, Luce? We're still best friends! We'll always be best friends," he corrected imploringly, voice going soft towards the end.

She hated to hurt him. In spite of the pain she'd endured in the year since he'd left her behind, she didn't want to make this any harder on him than it had to be, but this wasn't something she could spare him. He'd made his choice, and that choice had ripped their friendship to shreds. All the trust they'd built between them had fallen away as the months had passed, and there was no way to pretend otherwise.

"Natsu, you left for a year. You left me to deal with the loss of Aquarius on my own. You and everyone else. I stayed. Even though it was hard. Even though I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, I stayed. And you all left. There's no going back from that. I can't pretend that I haven't spent the last year alone. I can't forget the fact that my friends, my family abandoned me when I needed them the most." By that point, she was horrified to discover that she was crying, and with a frustrated swipe, she erased the evidence of her tears. "We can't go back, Natsu. At least, I can't. It hurts too much."

He watched her with tears in his eyes. "I didn't mean to do that, Luce. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I just…"

"You just needed to get away." At his nod, Lucy smiled. "I know, and that's why I forgive you. But it doesn't change what is. I may understand why you left, but I don't ever want to be in a place to be hurt like that again."

"You won't!" he swore, his hands shaking as he tried to reach out to her. "I won't do it again!"

Tears welled in her eyes as she tipped her head. "You can't promise that, Natsu. And I can't live through it again. So there's nothing else to do but move on."

Natsu's lip trembled. "You're different."

"I am. I had to be."

He nodded then and turned away, and a whisper was the last thing she heard before the door clicked. "I'm sorry."

Lucy stared after him, and as tears streamed down her cheeks, she whispered back, "So am I."


End file.
